Dawn French Fan Club 2

Hi everyone,

I open this new thread "Dawn French Fan Club"
because I often pick up the postings of this organization
from their Facabook page;
in addition, I find them very funny:
I do like them.
(I re-published in "Funny Pics / Funny Stories").
Time for them to have their own dedicated thread here.

Dawn French is well known in Australia (and prolly in other English speaking countries) for both her funny stories and the links to cooking recipes (re-published).


Thanks to "Dawn French Fan Club"!

Facebook's page is -> https://www.facebook.com/Dawnfrenchfan?fref=nf

A woman goes to her priest with a problem: "Father," she told him, "I have two female parrots rescued from a house of ill-repute. But the only thing they ever say is: 'Wanna have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" exclaims the priest. "But I think I can help. Bring your parrots over to my house, and I will put them in with two male parrots whom I have taught to pray every day. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase."
The next day the woman brought her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots were holding rosary beads and quietly praying in their cage.
The two female parrots were put in the cage with them. The females immediately began their routine: "Hi, wanna have some some fun?"
One male parrot looked at the other male parrot and said: "Put those beads away, our prayers have been answered."

The train was quite crowded, and a U. S. Marine walked the entire length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle-aged, French woman’s poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, “Ma’am, may I have that seat?”
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular “Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat.”
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under the yapping dog.
“Please, ma’am. May I sit down? I’m very tired.”
She snorted, “Not only are you Americans rude, you are also arrogant!”
This time the Marine didn’t say a word; he just picked up the yapping dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, “Someone must defend my honor! This American should be put in his place!”
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, ‘Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. And now, sir, it appears you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window.

A young blonde woman goes to an office for a job interview.
The interviewer decides to start with the basics. "So, miss, can you tell us your age, please?"
The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for about 3 seconds before replying "Ehh... 25!".
The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please?"
The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces, "Five foot three!"
This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics. "And ehh, just to confirm for our records, your name please?"
The blonde bobs her head from side to side for about twenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "Stephanie".
The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks, "Just out of curiosity, miss. We can understand your counting on your fingers to work out your age, and the measuring tape for your height is obvious, but what were you doing when we asked you your name?"
"Ohh that!" replies the blonde, "That's just me running through 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...'"

The man replied, "I did. We had such a good time we are going to the beach this weekend!"

An angry wife was complaining about her husband spending all his free time in a bar, so one night he took her along with him.
"What'll you have?" he asked.
"Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied.
So, the husband ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one shot.
His wife watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's TERRIBLE!" she spluttered.
"I don't know how you can drink this stuff!"
"Well, there you go," cried the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"