Dawn French Fan Club 2

A married couple was in a terrible accident and the woman’s face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn’t graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman’s new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, “Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you."
“My darling,” he replied, “think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.”

Three men were discussing coincidences. The first man said, " my wife was reading 'A tale of two cities' and she gave birth to twins"
"That’s funny", the second man remarked, "my wife was reading 'The Three Musketeers' and she gave birth to triplets"
The third man shouted, "Good God, I have to rush home!"
When asked what the problem was, he exclaimed, "When I left the house, my wife was reading 'Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves"!!!

The curiosity of the passenger was excited by the fact that his seat mate had his right arm in a sling, and the following dialogue occurred:
"You broke your arm, didn't you?"
"Well, yes, I did."
"Had an accident, I suppose?"
"Not exactly. I did it in trying to pat myself on the back."
"My land! On the back! Now, whatever did you want to pat yourself on the back for?"
"Just for minding my own business."

Little Johnny sees his Daddy’s car passing the playground and going into the woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees Daddy and Aunt Jane kissing.
Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly.
“MOMMY, MOMMY, I WAS AT THE PLAYGROUND AND DADDY AND….”
Mommy tells him to slow down, but that she wants to hear the story.
So Johnny tells her. “I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went to look and Daddy was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then Daddy….”
At this point, Mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
At the dinner table, Mommy asks Johnny to tell his story.
He describes the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and, “Then Daddy and Aunt Jane did that same thing Mommy and Uncle Jeff used to do when Daddy was in the Army.”

A little old lady had always wanted to join a local biker club, so one day she goes up and knocks on the door. A big, hairy bearded biker with tattoos all over his arms answers.
She proclaims, “I want to join your club.”
The guy was amused, but says she needs to meet certain biker requirements in order to join.
The biker asks, “Do you have a motorcycle?”
The little old lady replies, “Yep… my bike’s parked over there,” and points to a flamed black Harley chopper in the driveway.
The biker asks, “Do you drink?”
The little old lady replies, “Yep… drink like a fish. I’ll drink any man in your club under the table.”
The biker asks, “Do you smoke?”
The little old lady replies, “Yep… smoke like a chimney. At least 4 packs of cigarettes and a couple of cigars in the evening, while I’m shooting pool.”
The biker is very impressed and asks, “Last question…. have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?”
The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, “Nope……but I’ve been swung around by my nipples a few times.”


I'm afraid I need a couple of explanations...