Only in Britain -Complaints to Councils

Extracts from letters written by council tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.

2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.

5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6.. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen...

10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.

11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at
6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife..

20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.

22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.

Thank you Bob for those council complaints which are amazing ! I am pleased to see you back in the forum.

Hi Muriel,

Yes, I haven't posted on the forum for a long time but its great to be back.

I thought these true complaints actually received by councils in the UK would be amusing for people on the forum, and that prompted me to re-connect.

Bob

Hi Bob,

Welcome to the forum!

Thanks for your message... I'll have to read several times to manage to understand all of the the subtleties, sometimes.

Hi Gerard,

Its nice to be back on the forum.

If there are any of the subtleties on the list that you are not sure about, I would be happy to attempt an explanation!!

Always happy to help.

Bob

Hi Bob

Thank you for all these expressions. Anyway i don't understand why it is written "our lavatory seat is broke" and not "Our lovatory seat is broken"

Thank you for your help.

Hi Muriel,

Well spotted - you have indeed identified an error of grammer there - it should indeed be "Our lavatory seat is broken". At the risk of appearing somewhat snobby, I would say that the sort of people who live in council houses and write in to the council asking for things to be fixed don't tend to have the bext educational standards and are thus more likely to make such mistakes. Of course this is a broad generalisation as some council tenants are well educated and even those that are not well educated might not make errors of grammer of this type.

Bob