Re: Funny Pics / Funny Stories

MurielB Mer 4 Fév - 14:14

Hello Gérard, everyone
"my memory really sucks Mildred"
I could not understand so I looked it up in the dictionary. In that context "to suck" means to be very bad and Mildred is one of the old lady's name. Am I right ?
Thanks Gérard Laughing

gerardM Mer 4 Fév - 17:10

Hi Muriel,

Yes and yes (suck and Mildred).

"To suck" is very often used in the United States; everytime something goes wrong or bad, every time they don't like something, they use "suck".
"Suck" very often goes with its opposite: "it rocks".
On fashion.

gerardM Mer 4 Fév - 17:12

Dawn French Fan Club

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area.
Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.
He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.
Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.
Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.
Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.
The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.
The farmer said, "Oh, Buddy is blind, and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

MurielB Mer 4 Fév - 21:40

intelligence always win ! Very Happy

gerardM Jeu 5 Fév - 9:49

Notice:
- I can hear him singing, I can hear him sing is correct; with "... singing", the song is pending
- I can hear him singing, not I can hear ~~his~~ singing

gerardM Jeu 5 Fév - 14:04

Dawn French Fan Club

A kilted Scotsman was walking down a country path after finishing off considerable amount of whisky at a local pub. As he staggered down the road, he felt quite sleepy and decided to take a nap, with his back against a tree.
As he slept, two young lasses walked down the road and heard the Scotsman snoring loudly. They saw him, and one said, "I've always wondered what a Scotsman wears under his kilt."
She boldly walked over to the sleeping man, raised his kilt, and saw what nature had provided him at his birth.
Her friend said, "Well, he has solved a great mystery for us, now! He must be rewarded!" So, she took a blue ribbon from her hair, and gently tied it around what nature had provided the Scotsman, and the two walked away.
Several minutes later, the Scotsman was awakened by the call of nature, and walked around to the other side of the tree to relieve him. He raised his kilt... and saw where the blue ribbon was tied. After several moments of bewilderment, the Scotsman said... "I dinna know where y'been lad... but its nice ta'know y'won first prize!"

gerardM Jeu 5 Fév - 14:30

... it's a loke for techies (say beginners).

MurielB Jeu 5 Fév - 22:56

gerardM a écrit:Hi Muriel,

Yes and yes (suck and Mildred).

"To suck" is very often used in the United States; everytime something goes wrong or bad, every time they don't like something, they use "suck".
"Suck" very often goes with its opposite: "it rocks".
On fashion.

Thanks again Gérard for all these very useful explanations !

gerardM Ven 6 Fév - 0:00

My pleasure Muriel.

gerardM Ven 6 Fév - 23:20

Dawn French Fan Club[/b]

An exhausted blonde dragged herself to the doctor's office."Doctor, there are dogs all over my neighborhood," she said."They bark all day and all night, and I can't get a wink of sleep."
"I'm going to prescribe some sleeping pills," said the doctor."A few of these and your troubles will be over."
"Great," said the blonde."I'll try anything."
A few weeks later, the blonde returned, looking worse than ever."Doctor, it didn't work! I'm more tired than before!"
"I don't understand how that could be," said the doctor, shaking his head. "Those are the strongest pills on the market!"
"Maybe so," said the blonde, "but I'm still up all night chasing those dogs, and when I finally catch one, it's hell getting him to swallow the pill!"

Remy Sam 7 Fév - 6:37

C'est drôle. Et de plus c'est vrai, me semble-t-il.

gerardM Sam 7 Fév - 17:14

Dawn French Fan Club

A fellow walks into a bar very down on himself. As he walks up to the bar the bartender asks, "what's the matter?"
The fellow replies, "well I've got these two horses (sniff,sniff), and well... I can't tell them apart. I don't know if I'm mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods."
The bartender, feeling sorry for the guy, tries to think of something he can do.
"Why don't you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?"
The man stops crying and says, "that sounds like a good idea, I think I'll try it."
A few months later he comes back to the bar in worse condition than he was before.
"What's the matter now?" the bartender asks.
The fellow, in no condition to be in public, answers, "I shaved the tail of one of the horses (sob, sob), but it grew back and I can't tell them apart again!"
The bartender, now just wanting him to shut up or leave says, "why don't you try shaving the mane, maybe that will not grow back."
The fellow stops crying, has a few drinks, and leaves. A few months later the fellow is back in the bar. The bartender has never seen anybody in this sorry of a state. Without the bartender even asking, the fellow breaks into his problems. "I... I shaved the (sob) mane of one of the (sniff) horses, and... it... it... grew back!"
The bartender, now furious at the guy's general stupidity, yells, "for crying out loud, just measure the stupid horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!" The fellow can not believe what the bartender has said and storms out of the bar.
The next day the fellow comes running back into the bar as if he had just won the lottery.
"It worked, it worked!" he exclaims.
"I measured the horses and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!"

gerardM Dim 8 Fév - 9:46

How To Move Forward When You Feel Paralyzed by Uncertainty
If you're feeling paralyzed by uncertainty, and afraid to make a move because there are no guarantees, this may help.
tinybuddha.com

(click pic to access article)

MurielB Dim 1 Mar - 21:38

Hi Gérard !
I don't know what to think about that quote. is it possible to create what is not within yourself? For instance if you do not have the talent of painting, can you become a painter ? scratch

gerardM Ven 6 Mar - 8:33

Muriel,
Most people aim to find their lives.
Now, to me, there's a big difference between finding and creating: in "create", there's dynamism, you are a factor, you can manage your destiny, build your live whereas "find" is passivity, you just wait and hope things will come.
Yes you CAN! Come on guy!

gerardM Lun 9 Mar - 0:09

Click to find a sentence about you!
Click to see full photo and try yours...
HUKKUBANDAR.COM

A few explanations:
- Ali aka Alison is my NZ grand-niece's name
- this message was "created" by her son Matthew.

You may play on Hukku Bandar but, again, I don't like such websites that pick up personal information!

gerardM Lun 9 Mar - 16:25

No, I won't explain. Smile

gerardM Lun 9 Mar - 16:33

Bugger! I need help!
Would there be another meaning than policemen?
I see the mistake in "its" but is it the point?
Someone to explain to me please?

MurielB Lun 9 Mar - 22:26

Gérard I think that in this sentence "its" means "it's"! They forgot to write 's that's all !

gerardM Mar 10 Mar - 14:21

> I see the mistake in "its" but is it the point?
Muriel, I could see this but still searching for puns or jokes.

MurielB Mar 10 Mar - 21:51

No idea, Gérard !

MurielB Sam 21 Mar - 22:21

[]

Yes Gérard ! Words may lie, But action Will always tell the truth

gerardM Sam 21 Mar - 22:46

MurielB a écrit:...
Yes Gérard ! Words may lie, But action Will always tell the truth

However -fortunately- words can make up for an action.

MurielB Dim 22 Mar - 22:16

what a shame ! affraid

gerardM Dim 22 Mar - 22:43

I personally didn't understand... Humour - Funny Pics / Funny Stories - Page 20 Icon_scratch