Jennifer Saunders Fan Club

gerardM a écrit:Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

MurielB a écrit:...
Gérard I see that It is very difficult to be in the heights and at the same time to know where to put one's feet !

gerardM a écrit:

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane.
The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence.
Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00.
The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer.
Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

gerardM a écrit:

Our anniversary was coming up, so my wife was hinting about what she wanted.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds."
So I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
The following day I took my wife to a restaurant to make up for yesterday. The waiter happened to ask my order first...so I ordered.
"I'll take the NY strip steak, rare."
The waiter replied, "But sir, aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, she can order for herself."
And then the fight started...
The next day my wife was looking at herself in the bedroom mirror.
It was obvious that she was not happy with what she saw.
"I feel terrible. I look old, fat and ugly. I really need a compliment from you."
I replied, "Your eyesight's still perfect!"
And that's when the fight started...