Jennifer Saunders Fan Club -2-

A rich couple was going out for the evening. The lady of the house decided to give the butler, Throckmorton, the night off.
She said they would be home very late and he should just enjoy his evening.
As it turned out, the wife didn't have a good time at the party, so she came home early.
She walked into the house and eyed Throckmorton sitting alone in the dining room.
She called for him to follow her. She led him to the master bedroom. She closed and locked the door.
She looked at him and smiled.
"Throckmorton. Take off my dress."
He did so, carefully.
"Throckmorton. Take off my stockings and garter."
He silently obeyed her.
"Throckmorton. Remove my bra and panties."
The tension mounted as he complied.
Finally she looked at him and said, "Throckmorton. If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired."

Words used to describe someone's personality + Definitions
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LANGUAGELEARNINGBASE.COM

A blonde woman walks into a bank in New York City before going on vacation and asks for a $5,000 loan.
The banker asks, "Okay, miss, is there anything you would like to use as collateral?"
The woman says, "Yes, of course. I'll use my Rolls Royce."
The banker, stunned, asks, "A $250,000 Rolls Royce? Really?"
The woman is completely positive. She hands over the keys, as the bankers and loan officers laugh at her.
They check her credentials, make sure she is the title owner.
Everything checks out. They park it in their underground garage for two weeks.
When she comes back, she pays off the $5,000 loan as well as the $15.41 interest.
The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very appreciative of your business with us, but I have one question.
We looked you up and found out that you are a multi-millionaire. Why would you want to borrow $5,000?"
The woman replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course.
The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway.
As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says: “Buon tiro”, which means “Good shot”.
The Italian businessman replies: “Grazie”.
The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hits a fantastic shot that lands on the green thirty feet from the hole.
As the American businessman knows a small amount of French he says: “Tir fantastique”, which means “Fantastic shot”.
The French businessman replies: “Merci”.
The third guest, who is from Japan, tees off and amazingly the ball goes straight in the hole, a hole in one! The American businessman doesn’t know many Japanese words or phrases but when he dated a Japanese girl during his overseas business trips she used to moan when he made love to her and she would shout out “Ura-ana, ura-ana”, and which he repeats to his Japanese guest.
The Japanese businessman replies: “What do you mean, wrong hole?”

Why Men Are Like Computers
10. They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
9. A better model is always just around the corner.
8. They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
7. It is always necessary to have a backup.
6. They’ll do whatever you say if you push the right buttons.
5. The best part of having either one is the games you can play.
4. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
3. The lights are on but nobody’s home.
2. Big power surges knock them out for the night.
1. Size does matter.