Jennifer Saunders Fan Club -2-

A Professor's Definition of a Kiss:

Professor of Computer Science:
A kiss is a few bits of love compiled into a byte.

Professor of Algebra:
A kiss is two divided by nothing.

Professor of Geometry:
A kiss is the shortest distance between two straight lines.

Professor of Physics:
A kiss is the contraction of mouth due to the expansion of the heart.

Professor of Chemistry:
A kiss is the reaction of the interaction between two hearts.

Professor of Zoology:
A kiss is the interchange of unisexual salivary bacteria.

Professor of Physiology:
A kiss is the juxtaposition of two orbicularis oris muscles in the state of contraction.

Professor of Dentistry:
A kiss is infectious and antiseptic.

Professor of Accountancy:
A kiss is a credit because it is profitable when returned.

Professor of Economics:
A kiss is that thing for which the demand is higher than the supply.

Professor of Statistics:
A kiss is an event whose probability depends on the vital statistics of 36-24-36.

Professor of Philosophy:
A kiss is the persecution for the child, ecstasy for the youth and homage for the old.

Professor of English:
A kiss is a noun that is used as a conjunction; it is more common than proper; it is spoken in the plural; and it is applicable to all.

Professor of Engineering:
Uh, What? I'm not familiar with that term.

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd.

With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

What in the world are you doing here?" he demanded. "I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde," but we had money left over -- so now we're going to Sea World."