Dawn French Fan Club

Two women were chatting in the office:
Woman 1: “I had a fine evening, yesterday,how was yours...?”
Woman 2: “It was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 minutes and fell asleep. How was yours...?”
Woman 1: “Oh, it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!”
At the same time, their husbands are talking at work:
Husband 1: “How was your evening...?”
Husband 2: “Great! I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate and fell asleep. What about you?”
Husband 1: “It was horrible. I came home, there’s no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that I didn’t had money left for a cab. We walked home, which took an hour and when we got home I remembered there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!”

“OK everyone,” said the the instructor at the birthing class trying to get everyone’s attention. “We are going to do an exercise now, its purpose is to help the men sympathize with their partners.”
“We have here what’s called a pregnancy suit,” said the woman instructor, holding up an artificial stomach with a strap. “This imitates the feeling of being pregnant.”
"Which Husband volunteers to be the first one to try it on?”
“I will” said one man, taking the suit and trying it on. “This isn’t too bad," said the man walking around. "I think I could get used to this.”
“OK,” said the instructor smiling, “now I would like you to bend down and pick up my pen from the floor.”
“You want me to pick it up?” he said hesitantly, “just as I would if I was pregnant?”
“Yes!” said the instructor.
“Honey,” said the man turning to his wife “do you mind picking up that pen for me?”

A cop was hiding in his usual spot when he saw a car speed by at 90 mph. Quickly turning on his sirens, the cop pulled over an old lady. “License and registration please” said the cop in a tough voice.
“I’m sorry,” responded the lady, “I forgot to ask him where he keeps his registration before I shot him.”
“You what!” Hollered the cop nervously holding onto his gun.
”I shot him,” she responded, “I stuck him in the trunk if you want to see.”
Within 2 minutes there were 8 police cars pulled up behind her and a police officer talking into a megaphone: “Come out of the car with your hands up.”
While one cop watched the lady, another opened the trunk. “Um, ma'm,” said the second cop, “there’s no dead man in this trunk.”
“Well why would there be?” She asked.
“Excuse me,” said another cop, “this car seems to be registered in your name?”
“Well why wouldn’t it be?” repeated the lady.
“Well,” they both responded “the cop said that you told him you killed the owner and put him in the trunk.”
“Humph” said the old lady with a wave of her hand, “I bet that old liar told you I was speeding too!”

There was an elderly couple who in their old age noticed that they were getting a lot more forgetful, so they decided to go to the doctor. The doctor told them that they should start writing things down so they don't forget.
They went home and the old lady told her husband to get her a bowl of ice cream. "You might want to write it down," she said.
The husband said, "No, I can remember that you want a bowl of ice cream."
She then told her husband she wanted a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream. "Write it down," she told him.
Again he said, "No, no, I can remember: you want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream."
Then the old lady said she wants a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top. "Write it down," she told her husband.
He said, again, "No, I got it. You want a bowl of ice cream with whipped cream and a cherry on top."
So he goes to get the ice cream and spends an unusually long time in the kitchen, over 30 minutes. He comes out to his wife and hands her a plate of eggs and bacon.
The old wife stares at the plate for a moment, then looks at her husband and asks, "Where's the toast?"

Hi Muriel,

MurielB a écrit:... My house isn't fancy means my house is not a dream. I just knew fancy as a verb=>To fancy someone.

"Fancy" is very popular as an adjective (as well as a noun or a verb). I guess you should check further.

As an adjective, fancy has a large range of meanings (more than "dream"):

1 (elaborate) [lighting, equipment] sophistiqué; nothing fancy (meal) rien de spécial;
2 ¡péj (pretentious) [place] snobinard¡; [price] exorbitant; [idea, project] fantaisiste; [name] tordu; [food, gadget, equipment] compliqué; [clothes] chic;
3 (decorative) [paper, box] fantaisie inv;
4 Comm [food] de luxe;
5 Zool [breed] d'agrément.

(according to my Hachette-Oxford dictionary)

The man says, "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."