Re: Dawn French Fan Club

MurielB Sam 2 Mai - 19:21

Hi everyone !
For those who don't know what a vat is

•a large container, as a tank, used for holding liquids:

It could be important to understand that story !

gerardM Sam 2 Mai - 19:45

As far as I remember, when I was a teenager, "VAT 69" was a whiskey brand; don't know if it still exists.

gerardM Sam 2 Mai - 19:49

gerardM a écrit:As far as I remember, when I was a teenager, "VAT 69" was a whiskey brand; don't know if it still exists.

Yes it still exists:

Vat 69 is a Scotch blended whisky manufactured by William Sanderson & Son Limited of South Queensferry, West Lothian, Scotland

gerardM Dim 3 Mai - 9:50

I thought it over for a while..

no doubt, the "too" is incorrect, it must be "to"!!

gerardM Dim 3 Mai - 16:15

As the UK and French governments began plans for the Chunnel (English Channel Tunnel), they realized they didn't have the ability to build it themselves, so they put the project out for bid. Three teams: a German team, a Japanese team, and an Irish team submitted proposals and were asked to present their proposals to the selection committee.
The German team led off the presentations, with their main selling point being their engineering prowess. The German presenter showed their latest generation tunnel boring machines with laser guided accuracy, impressing the committee. The German concluded his presentation saying, "For 2 billion Euros, Ve will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and one vear later we will meet in the middle vit and be less than 1 meter off!"
The Japanese had a tough act to follow, but they knew their process quality techniques and enhanced productivity were better. The Japanese presenter showed their latest tunnel boring machines with advanced radar, their acumen in statistical process control, then bowed and stated, "For 1.8 billion Euros, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, and 9 months later, we will meet in the middle and be less than 1 centimeter off!"
The Irish team knew they were in trouble, but really believed in the work ethic of their people, so they decided to pitch their strengths. The Irishman looked the committee in the eyes as stated, "For 1 billion Euros and 40,000 kegs of Guinness, we will bore from both sides of the tunnel, hic, and if we don't meet in the middle you'll get TWO tunnels for the price of ONE!"

MurielB Mar 5 Mai - 9:28

That's exactly what I like when I speak a foreign language. I don't want to lie when I speak in French but i tend to add nuances not to hurt the person I am speaking to or to be more subtle. With a foreign language you are more straightforward.

gerardM Jeu 7 Mai - 15:36

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of the night celebrating Ireland's football victory. Mick, the bartender, says "You'll not be drinking any more tonight, Paddy"
Paddy replies "OK Mick, I'll be on me way then."
Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off. He falls flat on his face.
"Shoite" he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off. He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face. "Shoite, Shoite!" He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk. He falls flat on his face.
"Bi'Jesus... I'm tanked," he says. He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door and shimmies up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside. He takes a look up the stairs and says "No way!"
He crawls up the stairs to his bedroom door and says "If i can just make it to me bed." He takes a step into the room and falls flat on his face. He says "to hell with it" and falls into bed.
The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup of coffee and says, "Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night?".
Paddy says, "I did Jess. I was tanked' pissed. But how'd you know?"
"Mick called. You left y'wheelchair at the pub."

MurielB Jeu 7 Mai - 21:20

A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back."

The room is quiet and no one takes up the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later the same gentleman who left shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman.

The Texan says yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits in amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?"

The Irishman replies, "Oh...I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first".

MurielB Ven 8 Mai - 17:53

If you don't know what a bucket list is here's the link to our previous discussion
https://www.cafe-polyglotte.com/t3915-bucket-buckets?highlight=bucket+list

Gérard a écrit:The very common use is the "bucket list".
Many English speaking people (UK, Oz, NZ, US, etc.) refer to a bucket list to write down what they want to do before they die.

gerardM Sam 9 Mai - 20:46

A young man goes into a drugstore to buy condoms. The pharmacist tells him that the condoms come in packs of three, nine, or 12, and asks which ones the young man wants.
"Well," he says, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents and then we're going out. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack!"
The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he may give the blessing and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes. The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

gerardM Sam 9 Mai - 20:52

At school, Little Johnny was told by a classmate that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail them by saying, "I know the whole truth."

Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. He goes home, and as he is greeted by his mother he says, "I know the whole truth."

His mother quickly hands him $20 and says, "Just don't tell your father."

Quite pleased, the boy waits for his father to get home from work, and greets him with, "I know the whole truth."

The father promptly hands him $40 and says, "Please don't say a word to your mother."

Very pleased, the boy is on his way to school the next day when he sees the mailman at his front door. The boy greets him by saying, "I know the whole truth."

The mailman immediately drops the mail, opens his arms, and says, "Then come give your real father a big hug!"

gerardM Dim 10 Mai - 11:08

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment...

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible... Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house... As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

The one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said,

'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'

MurielB Lun 11 Mai - 22:05

gerardM a écrit:A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, 'Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know to say one thing.'

'What do they say?' the priest asked.

They say, 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

'That's obscene!' the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment...

'You know,' he said, 'I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible... Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to pray and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying... That phrase... In no time.'

'Thank you,' the woman responded, 'this may very well be the solution.'

The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house... As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.

Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them...

After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: 'Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?'

There was stunned silence...

The one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said,

'Put the beads away, Frank, our prayers have been answered!'

Hi Gérard, everyone !
I didn't know what a hooker was but I guessed
> A hooker is a prostitute.

gerardM Lun 11 Mai - 23:39

We can often learn new words on Café polyglotte sur le Net.

MurielB Mar 12 Mai - 21:37

Gérard, that's the reason why I like to read every word of it.

MurielB Mer 13 Mai - 8:17

Yes everyone is useful !

gerardM Mer 13 Mai - 10:41

Everyone is beloved Wink

MurielB Mer 13 Mai - 11:02

Everyone is beloved Wink

Gérard some deserve love more than others Wink

gerardM Mer 13 Mai - 11:04

Let say there are different ways to love.

gerardM Mer 13 Mai - 14:49

This may help us remember "look down".

gerardM Mer 13 Mai - 14:56

It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.
After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"
He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"

gerardM Jeu 14 Mai - 16:14

A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop...but at the bar...you know...they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious...I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
"But my sweet honey...at the bar....you know there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?...LISTEN UP D**KHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE F**K UP, DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER IN YOUR DAMN FROZEN MUG, AND EAT YOUR F**KIN' HORS D'OEUVRES. BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A** ISN'T GOING TO A F**KIN' BAR! THAT S**T IS OVER... GOT IT, A**HOLE?"
...and they lived happily ever after.

Interesting collection of sweet words along with hors d'oeuvre dish words.

MurielB Jeu 14 Mai - 22:39

gerardM a écrit:It was the stir of the town when an 80-year-old man married a 20-year-old girl.
After a year she went into the hospital to give birth. The nurse came out to congratulate the fellow. "This is amazing. How do you do it at your age?"
He answered, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The following year she gave birth again. The same nurse said, "You really are amazing. How do you do it?"
He again said, "You've got to keep the old motor running."
The same thing happened the next year. The nurse said, "You must be quite a man."
He responded, "You've got to keep that old motor running."
The nurse then said, "Well, you had better change the oil, this one's black!"

gerardM Ven 15 Mai - 14:28

A man was sitting on the edge of the bed, watching his wife who was looking at herself in the mirror. After all these years he was still crazy about her. Since her birthday was not far off he asked what she’d like to have for her birthday.
“I’d just like to be six again”, she replied, still looking in the mirror.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early and made her a nice big bowl of Lucky Charms. He had quite an adventure planned for her! He took her to Six Flags theme park. He put her on every ride in the park; the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later they staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down. He then took her to a McDonald’s where he ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a large chocolate shake.
Then it was off to a movie, along with buttered popcorn, a soda pop, and her favorite candy, M&M’s. What a fabulous day he had given her!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed absolutely exhausted.
He leaned over his wife with a big smile on this face and lovingly asked, “Well Dear, what was it like being six again?”
Her eyes slowly opened in realization…..
“I meant my dress size, you idiot!”

gerardM Sam 16 Mai - 19:17

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he’s doing a show in a small town in the Midwest. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes.

Suddenly, a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting, “I’ve heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes! What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the color of a person’s hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It’s guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community, and from reaching our full potential as a person, because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general and all in the name of humour!”

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologize, and the blonde yells, “You stay out of this, mister! I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”